How to Overcome Relationship OCD | Intrusive Thoughts

What is Relationship OCD?

Relationship OCD, a subcategory of OCD, specifically targets the realm of love and romantic relationships. It falls under the broader category of intrusive thoughts or pure OCD. Individuals suffering from ROCD often find themselves in a constant loop of analyzing whether their partner is the 'right one' for them. This constant mental spiraling can include:

• Analyzing their partner's traits.

• Nitpicking negative qualities and flaws.

• Evaluating their own feelings of love and attraction.

Let's break down the insights shared by Matt on how to deal with ROCD effectively.

Point 1: Relationships Are Complicated

The first critical point to understand is that relationships are inherently complex. Introducing mental health issues, like ROCD, into the mix compounds this complexity further. Drawing insight from Dr. M. Scott Peck’s book, “The Road Less Traveled,” Matt emphasizes the concept of love as a choice rather than merely a feeling. This shift in perspective can provide much-needed clarity and commitment in relationships muddled by ROCD.

Point 2: Feelings Should Not Justify Relationships

Feelings are fleeting and can fluctuate due to various reasons. This is especially true in long-term relationships where emotional states ebb and flow. Trying to justify staying in a relationship based on the dynamic nature of feelings can be misleading. Instead, recognizing that feelings vary and not linking the validity of the relationship to these transient emotions is crucial.

Point 3: The Myth of the 'Right One'

The concept of finding the 'right one' or the 'perfect match' often leads to unrealistic expectations and incessant searching for flaws. Matt points out that no perfect person exists. A long-lasting relationship is built on mutual commitment and the willingness to work through struggles. Eliminating the myth of the 'right one' helps in redirecting focus toward nurturing the existing relationship.

Point 4: The Power of 'Should'

Language plays a crucial role in shaping our thoughts and behaviors. The word 'should' implies a set expectation of how things ought to be, which often leads to dissatisfaction when reality doesn’t match up. Matt advises against using 'should' in evaluating partners and relationships, advocating instead for acceptance of reality as it is.

Compulsion Elimination: The Key to Managing ROCD

Managing Relationship OCD effectively hinges on understanding and eliminating compulsions. Individuals with ROCD frequently:

• Analyze their partners incessantly.

• Evaluate their own feelings and arousal levels continually.

• Compare their relationship with others.

Recognizing these is the first step. The next is sitting with the accompanying anxiety and uncertainty without resorting to these compulsive behaviors. Over time, this can help in reducing the grip of ROCD on an individual's life.