Matt's Audio Letter of the Week

Okay, so welcome to today’s Feel Better Letter.

Today, I want to talk about why we hold on to fear and what it means to really let it go.

After having conversations with countless people and navigating my own journey with fear, and really taking the time to sit with it, you start to ask a deeper question:

What is fear?

What is the benefit of fear?

Why do we hold on to it?

Why do we operate from it?

The obvious answer that usually comes to mind is that it keeps us safe.

That’s its function.

And in imminent threat situations, that’s true.

But for most of us, we don’t actually use fear that way.

We use it in hypotheticals.

We project fear onto “what if” scenarios.

We analyze, we ruminate—about the future, about the past, about everything under the sun.

So the real question becomes:

Is that actually serving me?

Because if we assume that this is the right thing to do—that it makes sense, that it’s helping us—then we will continue to justify doing it.

But one of the things you have to begin asking yourself, if you truly want to let go of fear, is this:

Part of the reason we hold on to it is simply because it’s a habit.

We believe it’s keeping us safe.

But if you really look at rumination, the fear you project into the future, the time you spend in your mind, and all the compulsions you do—when you look at how much time it consumes, and how it pulls you away from being present with the people you love, the things you want to do, and the life you want to pursue—you begin to realize something:

It’s not serving you at all.

It just isn’t.

There’s very little use for it.

In fact, it’s destructive.

The paradox of fear is that it promises safety, but delivers enslavement.

And when you start to see it clearly, you realize it has little to no value when it comes to all the things your mind tells you to worry about—the “what ifs,” the themes, the projections.

You begin to see that ruminating, being stuck in your mind, and doing all these things we do… isn’t really living.

It’s actually removing you from life.

Think about how many times you’ve been at dinner, with your spouse, with your kids, or somewhere with people—and suddenly realized you weren’t really there.

Someone asks you, “Hey, are you okay?” or “Where are you right now?”

Because they can tell your attention isn’t with them.

And the most valuable thing you can give someone—your attention and your energy—is off in some imagined scenario in your mind.

And how many times have you ruminated about something that never even happened?

When you really look back at all the time you’ve spent worrying, analyzing, replaying—how much of that time can you honestly say was well spent?

How much of it are you glad you did?

Because rumination is just suffering.

Fear is a form of suffering.

That’s what it is.

And when you begin to confront this, you start to challenge the way you’ve been living—the pattern of constantly falling back into fear, projecting it, getting lost in the mind, looping over and over again.

And you start to realize something:

There are entirely different ways to live.

There are entirely different ways to experience life.

To experience your relationships.

To experience parenthood.

To experience this world.

Other than through fear.

One of the most challenging parts of letting go of fear—and something everyone must eventually confront—is this:

You have to be willing to admit that the time you’ve spent in fear didn’t actually keep you safe.

That it wasn’t worth the investment.

Because if you’re not willing to admit that, you’ll keep convincing yourself that fear is helping you.

You’ll keep justifying it.

But it takes courage to look at fear honestly and say:

This is not serving me.

It’s not helping me live the life I want.

And it never has.

That realization can become a turning point.

Because you stop validating it.

You stop justifying it.

And that changes everything.

So just some food for thought today.

I know this isn’t always comfortable.

But when you really see fear for what it is, you realize it’s simply not worth it.

And there is a better way to live.

If this resonates with you, or if you’re looking for support on this journey, feel free to apply for TBC.

We’d love to help you practice and learn how to live that other way.

With that, wishing you all a great day and a great week.

Looking forward to seeing you soon.