Matt's Audio Letter of the Week

Hey, my friends, and welcome to this edition of The Feel Better Letter!

This is Matt, and I just want to send a big thank you to all of you who attended the live workshop we ran this week on ways to expedite recovery. I appreciate all the great feedback—it was a lot of fun to do!

Today, I want to talk about an important question: Does fear serve you? Is fear beneficial? Let’s explore this idea.

In our group sessions this week—so in TBC, where we have group three times a week—we opened up a discussion on attraction and aversion to emotional states. The way we either cling to or resist certain emotions can actually keep us stuck in them. It's only when we learn to truly let something go that we can be liberated from it.

Fear is just like anything else—it’s something we experience. But one reason so many people remain stuck in fear for long periods of time is that they hold a deep-seated belief that fear serves them. There's often an attraction to fear itself, tied to the belief that it’s protecting us, keeping us safe, and serving us in the long run. And that’s why we continue to engage in it.

So we ruminate. We analyze. We get caught in a cycle, almost as if we’re addicted to fear—because we actually believe it’s helping us.

I want you to take a step back for a moment. What I just said might stir up some emotions for you. But I’m suggesting that you have an option not to engage in fear. And a lot of times, we’re not even aware of that because we’ve just been doing it for so long.

So, take a moment to look at fear and ask yourself: If I go back in time and think about all the hours I’ve spent worrying, ruminating, analyzing, thought-blocking, trying to control people or situations—was it time well spent?

Think about all the compulsive behaviors you’ve engaged in as a response to your own fear—fear that was projected onto a certain theme or scenario that may not have even happened.

Now, really sit with yourself for a second and ask:
Am I glad I invested my time that way?
If I could go back in time, would I do it that way again?

Because when we look back, we can see how worrying, ruminating, and trying to control things didn’t actually change the outcome. It just caused unnecessary suffering. And suffering—whether intense or mild—is still suffering.

Being caught up in fear takes you away from what you really want: living your life.

It pulls you away from the people you love, the things you want to do. Even in small moments—if you're on a walk, are you present? Or are you lost in your mind, worrying about something?

The problem with fear is that it removes you from now. You future-pace and try to solve a moment that hasn’t even arrived yet, and by the time you get there, you’re worrying about another future moment. So you’re never really here.

And most of us, when we reflect on the past, can see how fruitless it was to engage in fear.

If we worried about an event, and it happened, it was never as bad as we imagined—and we were always able to navigate it.

If we worried about an event, and it didn’t happen, all that suffering was for nothing.

And then, of course, there are all the unpredictable things in life we never even thought to worry about that we still had to deal with.

So logically, it makes no sense to spend our days stuck in fear.

When we can truly see this—really understand it—we can start asking ourselves:
Should I let this go?
Should I try a different way of operating?
Is there another path for me?

Because the only way you’re going to break the loop—the fear cycle—is by becoming a different version of yourself than the one that created and maintained the loop.

That means developing new belief systems, new behaviors, new identities.

That’s what confronting fear is about. It’s not about confronting some external situation—it’s about confronting what’s keeping that fear alive within you.

I wanted to share this message because before we can let go of something, we first have to acknowledge our attachment to it and the beliefs that are keeping it around.

I hope this was helpful.

If you know someone who might benefit from this, please share it with them.

Also, if you're interested in working together, I have some coaching slots opening up in April. If you'd like to explore that possibility, fill out an application, and we’ll see if it’s a good fit.

Wishing you all the best, and I’ll talk to you soon!